Friday, August 26, 2011

Baby Sierra's birth Story

After waiting a week past her due date the Worsham family was thrilled that Sierra Rena finally arrived. It's funny, we kept hearing and saying "she's late" but the truth is she was right on time. There are a million little reasons that Tuesday August 16th was the perfect day for Sierra to be born but one of the largest reasons is that my friend and nurse Carol was going to be returning from her vacation at the beach that morning. Her shift started at 6:45AM. I could have scheduled an induction for Tuesday morning but I chose to schedule it for Friday... with the hope that if Thursday's appointment was good we could move it out to Monday. I prayed for labor. What woman who plans on natural childbirth (no drugs) prays for labor? I would argue that any woman who's baby has not arrived on her due date! It is really a mystery how we can be ready for an ordeal like that but oh boy was I ready! Monday evening we were at lifegroup (Cove Church Bible study) and I asked again that they pray for us to have a baby! It was kind of a joke at this point. They all knew I was ready and wishing I could just go into labor on my own no induction, not anything. I started thinking "I wonder if my body is malfunctioning? Am I one of the women who will never go into labor on my own?" Secretly I think my fear was that I wouldn't be okay with it if I was one of those women. Why was I judging them? Why was I judging myself? I had an "induction" with Sophie and things had turned out fine. Birth is about letting go.

Monday night I prayed went to bed with little to no expectations and planned to wait for Friday. Let go, be uncomfortable, be okay with whatever happens. Thank God for a healthy baby when she does come. Try to ignore the way it makes you feel when you hear the phrase "you haven't had that baby YET!" By the way, never tell a woman who is 9 months pregnant (or more!) - "you haven't had that baby YET!" First, it's obvious by her physique that she has not. Second, she is already frustrated by this fact. Third, no matter how she smiles and pretends not to care she probably cried that night when she was alone in the bathroom feeling like a huge and unpleasantly plump pregnant person no matter how cute she might look to you.

Now I'm trying to decide if I should tell my birth story with gory details and warn you off now if you don't want to read them or if I should focus on what was going on in my heart. I think for this post I'll focus on the non-physical details.

I went into labor on my own - yea! I got to labor during stage one at home while reading a novel - yea! I got to take a shower! I got to wake up my spouse at 4:30AM to tell him to take a shower (haha) he looked groggy. I called my mom over to the house at 4:55 (I was waiting until 5AM I thought but my dad swears it was 4:55AM - excuse me). I tried to tell Mike to wait a while longer at home. Mike got to tell me NO WAY! We stopped for coffee on the ride to the hospital. The smell of coffee (usually a lovely aroma) made me throw up. We arrived at the hospital at 6:20AM. By the time we were settled Carol showed up, at 7 my water broke (on it's own - yea) and at 10:42AM we had baby Sierra and a HUGE mess that both Mike and I were grateful that we didn't need to clean up. I knew that she would be born soon on Monday but how soon I wasn't sure of. Waiting for baby Sierra was an act of faith. It showed me that I do really want control - more than I should. The result of waiting and having faith was that I got the desire of my heart even though I had to cry and sweat it out waiting. If it was more laid back I probably would have had the same result without all the struggle but then maybe I wouldn't have needed this lesson. Having a newborn is beautiful. I'm enjoying it so much. Every day is a gift and I'm thankful that we waited for it. I also realize that this is different for everyone and judgement is totally unhelpful... I'm just not going to do it (to myself or others).

Welcome baby Sierra!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Daily Bread

"Give us this day our daily bread..."

For the Israelites it was manna, bread that fell down from heaven to feed them on their desert trek from Egypt to the promised land, and they didn't really appreciate it. For Jesus' followers it was only what they needed for that day whether it was knowledge, power, grace, a lesson. For me it's another day of being pregnant. It is actually a gift.

I was thinking of all the things I've done on the days I thought I'd have a new baby from spending quality time with Sophie to cleaning and organizing. I realized how difficult most of the simple tasks will be while recovering and taking care of an infant. I am anxious to get on with "the next stage" because I know what that side looks like. It's fun and exciting and it's the goal of this whole pregnancy thing and darn it I'm goal oriented! Every day "could be it" and that feels like a whole lot of pressure. God doesn't call me to stress out every day that I don't have a baby. God doesn't ask me to be goal oriented and feel like a failure when I fail to meet my own perception of other's expectations. God calls me to turn to him for the energy and patience I need daily. He asks me to seek him (and his kingdom and righteousness) first and he will add everything else as well (Matthew 6:33).

That's nice. I don't think I like daily bread all that much. It sounds like a good idea for the Israelites. I hear myself saying: "Seriously people, God gives you food from heaven, all you have to do is pick it up and eat it and you're complaining about the flavor or that you don't have enough meat." But doesn't that just sound like me? I hear myself: "Thank you God that my doctor's appointments are uneventful. Thank you that my blood pressure is down. But can't you hurry up with this baby? We're anxious to meet her and you know I like to be on time. The nurse I know is on vacation after tomorrow. My doctor also leaves town this weekend. God I don't think you understand that my time table included a baby this week!"

Daily bread didn't rise this morning? Don't like the flavor of the manna?

The most encouraging thing Mike said all week was: "I'm not leaving." I was complaining about how my nurse was out, my doctor was headed out for vacation and this baby seems to have no plans to make her debut anytime soon. I was griping about my fears and that I was "on my own." The best thing, the kindest thing he could have said to me in that moment was what he did say: that he would be there. I've thought about that over and over since he said it just a couple of days ago. Who would I say was most crucial to me at Sophie's birth? Without a doubt, my husband. I love the professionals but Mike is my partner and coach, the one person I depend on daily and the one who loves our babies as much as I do. How could I take his presence for granted? Some women birth babies without their husbands present for one reason or another (I'm thinking soldiers or others with obligations away from home). How could I forget that I am blessed to have him with me!?

I love when my husband reflects Jesus' character and ministers to me. This was one of those times. He reminded me that like he is there for me when I need him even if all the other people I've decided that I depend on are not; God is faithful and He won't ever leave me or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I can't help but mention that Deuteronomy 31:6 starts out by saying "Be strong and courageous..." Isn't that just the right thing to say!? Doesn't it make me more strong and courageous knowing that I have God behind me and also the man (Mike) he sent specifically to take care of me?!

On this day, which also happens to be my due date, I'm going to embrace my daily bread and be thankful. I won't do it just because I have to or in order to finish up another task on my to do list. Let's face it: if it isn't done now it wasn't that big a deal. There must be a reason I'm here even with my limitations and frustrations. I don't want to always rush into that next season of life without taking time to enjoy the current one. How many more days do I have as a mother of one? Most likely not too many. But in any case all I really need is His strength and purpose, just for today.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Waiting

You might notice the lack of post after this week's doctor's appointment. The truth is, there was no news. My blood pressure has stabilized, the baby looked good in the ultrasound, I feel fine and there is no reason I can't wait out this pregnancy. My doctor supports my decision not to rush baby S. I feel that I'm making the best decsion. So, nothing to discuss, nothing to do but wait. A part of me totally understands why people are anxious for induction. There's something about being ready and having to wait that is frustrating. I think we have control of so much in our lives the healthy reminder that we really aren't in control is a shock. So I guess that's it. I've been in shock. I think I have been trying to avoid talking about how close baby is to her arrival because I'm ready whenever and saying "any day now" doesn't make it today. I didn't have all the physical signals I'm experiencing now when I was pregnant with Sophie so I think that each set of new things had me on edge. This weekend would actually be quite good for a baby. I'm up for it, my doctor's on call, my nurse is on until Monday and my good friend who works in Labor & Delivery will be around. The only problem is... I'm not so sure baby will arrive. I feel peaceful about that. Baby will be here soon. She can't stay in there forever! Until then, I'll swim and snuggle extra with Sophie. I'll enjoy sleeping (as much as someone 9 months pregnant can enjoy sleeping) and feeling strong and swimming. I really did enjoy cooking an all Produce Box dinner of spagetti squash, eggplant/mushroom/red pepper, kale chips and convincing both my husband and 2 year old to eat it. (Okay so she was bribed with ice cream and cashews but it worked.)Things are about to change. I don't know why I'm so anxious to rush the process because life is a series of present moments and this present moment is just as precious as tomorrow's.